The Relationship Between Perfectionism and Anxiety

What Perfectionism Actually Is

Most people think perfectionism is about high standards. It isn't. High standards are healthy. Perfectionism is about the belief that your worth is conditional on your performance.

That's a fundamentally different thing — and it explains why perfectionism is so exhausting.

The Fear Underneath

Beneath perfectionism, almost universally, is fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of failure. Fear that if you get it wrong, you'll be exposed as inadequate.

The perfectionist standard isn't meant to be achieved. It's meant to protect against the terror of being seen as not enough.

What the Research Says

Studies consistently show that perfectionism is more strongly correlated with anxiety and depression than almost any other personality trait. It predicts burnout, procrastination, and relationship difficulties.

Counterintuitively, perfectionists often produce less than their non-perfectionist peers — because the fear of not doing it perfectly leads to avoidance and delay.

The CBT Approach

Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy addresses perfectionism by examining the underlying beliefs:

• What do I believe will happen if I make a mistake?
• Is that belief based on evidence, or catastrophic thinking?
• What would I tell a close friend who made this same mistake?

The gap between how you judge yourself and how you'd judge someone you love is usually where the distorted thinking lives.

The Practical Shift

Start deliberately doing things imperfectly. Small things. Submit work that's 80% of what you could have done with another three days. Notice that the catastrophe doesn't materialise.

That's how you build the evidence base that challenges the fear.